A Father's Love

At the end of March Clark and I took an unplanned trip to Orlando for my sister-in-law Meredith's father's funeral. They were really close, so his passing was a great loss to their family. Because Clark and I had the ability to get in the car and go I felt it was important to be there for such an important event in my sister's life. I am so glad we went. Clark was an amazing trooper in the car and I was blessed to be able to go to the funeral and hear more about a man I knew, but only from several informal group gatherings.

As a parent, things hit me differently than they did before I have children. I used to laugh at my mom for crying over everything, but now I understand. I could chalk it up to pregnancy hormones, but I think it's more a mommy's heart than anything. Anytime I hear about a hurting child, a parent who has lost a child or who is having to watch their child go through something difficult or a child who has overcome amazing odds to come out victorious I end up in a puddle of tears. I always imagine what it would be like if it was Clark.

The reason I mention this is because I also watch parents and study the methods of others trying to gather any helpful information to make me a better parent. At the funeral, Meredith and her two siblings gave the eulogy. It wasn't a typical eulogy, but instead more of a sharing session where they had a chance to share their memories of their father and the impact he had on their lives. The thing I remember most clearly was what Meredith's older sister said. She said that her dad always made it clear he loved them and that he was proud of them. When she graduated from college and got a job as an engineer her father was convinced she could run to company better than anyone there. She knew he was proud of her. Then, when her first child was born she decided to quit her job and stay home to raise him. She thought her father might be disappointed that she was "wasting her talents and schooling" but was surprised when he let her know how proud of her he was in the decision she had made and knew she would be the best parent. She said, "At that point knew without a doubt that he wasn't proud of me for what I could do, he was proud of me for me because I was his daughter. He didn't care what I did, he loved me and was proud of me because of who I was." What a testimony of a wonderful parent! I pray that my children will know that I love them because of who they are, not because of what they do. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to be proud of what they do as well and pray they make good decisions and use the gifts God gives them to advance his kingdom, but my love for them is not conditional on their actions.

Often I have to stop and remind myself to communicate this to Clark. As a stubborn two year old boy he can make me want to pull my hair out some days. After several meltdowns, refusing to cooperate and directly disobeying repeatedly my patience is completely gone. I have learned I have a lot less patience than I thought I had. I taught school for goodness sake, I thought I had patience. Haha! What a joke. I only had them for 7 hours a day and then I sent them home. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week of the same battles over brushing teeth, putting on shoes, taking a nap and sitting in the highchair are a whole different ball game. When the moment of frustration has passed I have to remember to tell Clark I love him no matter what. I'm a lot happier and easier to live with when he's obedient, but I love him no matter what. It's too easy to convey the message of "I love you when you obey, but not when you disobey" without even realizing it. I pray Clark (and Reagan) never doubt my (and Michael's) love for them and that they can see an example of their Heavenly Father's unconditional love though us. My sin gets in the way continually, but I pray if they only remember one thing about their parents it's that they loved them. Thanks Heather for the testimony of your father's love and the lesson it taught me.

It's a girl!

So, obviously it's been a long time since I posted anything. For a while, Clark was getting his two year molars and decided 45 minutes was the longest he would nap. Since I usually write blog posts while he's napping, I decided to clean house, do laundry, complete my Bible study, etc instead of blogging since I had such a short amount of time. Now that his molars are in (Praise God!) he's gone back to normal naps. Maybe I'll get back to blogging more consistently, but I won't promise.

Our big news this week is we found out we're having a girl!!! We found out five days ago and I still can't contain myself I'm so excited! I truly don't think I thought it was possible it was a girl, so I was trying to get as excited as I could anticipating the news we were having another boy. Now, don't get me wrong, I love boys and I wouldn't trade my boy for anything in the entire world. I know if we had another boy I would have loved him just as much as I love Clark and I couldn't have imagined my life without him. I kept also reminding myself that this is our second child, the same number child as Michael is in his family. Obviously his parents were probably hoping he was a girl since they already had a boy, but my life would be so different if he weren't a part of it. I kept thinking, if this baby is a boy he's going to bless someone else's life the way Michael has blessed mine. So, I was fully prepared to be excited when the ultrasound tech told us we were having a boy. When she said it was a girl I didn't believe her at first. I actually made her go back and double check just to be sure.

Several people have said, "Oh that's perfect you're having a girl, now you can have one of each and don't have to have any more children." It surprised me the first time someone said it. I love children and we would love to have more than two children. I don't see this as completing our family, but instead from this point on I don't care if we have boys or girls. If this baby had been a boy I would have really wanted a girl next time around, but since this one's a girl I don't care in the future.

That was a long explanation, but those were just the crazy things running around in my pregnant brain.

The best news we received at the sonogram is that our little girl is very healthy. The doctor said she rarely has a time when there isn't something on the sonogram they want to go back and check later to make sure there isn't a problem, but she said on ours the tech was able to find everything she was looking for and the baby looks perfectly healthy. Obviously this is a huge answer to prayer for me. Every night when I'm putting Clark to bed we pray for him and for our baby. I always pray that God would knit him/her (now I can pray for her specifically) together perfectly and that her little organs would form in just the right way. Praise God for the work he's been doing in creating our little baby! We are beside ourselves with thankfulness.

And baby makes 4

As many of you already know, we found out in October that we're expecting baby #2 June 16th. We found out three days after our insurance kicked in. Talk about God's timing!! We weren't planning to have another baby quite so soon after moving, but we were super excited nontheless. Clark will be two years four months before the baby comes so he'll be much more independent than he is now. He points out babies everywhere we go. He doesn't have to see the actual baby, just the infant car seat is enough. He gets excited and says, "baby, mama, baby!" Hopefully this is a good sign that he'll be a caring big brother and love the baby that will be living in our house. He's been sweet with our friend's babies when we've hung out. He's gentle and and kind of pets their heads. He likes for them to hold his finger and seemed concerned to bring them toys.

From the very beginning we knew this baby would be special (not that all babies aren't) because it was a gift from God we weren't expecting. Then when I was six weeks along we had a little scare and thought we might be losing the baby. I've had several friends who have been though miscarriages in the last few years and I can only imagine the grief of losing a baby. Our scare gave me a new empathy I had only imagined but never experienced. As I found myself unable to stop crying for some reason (I believe it was from the Holy Spirit to bring me comfort) the Old Testament story of Hezekiah came to mind. It was almost as if God spoke directly to me and said, "Plead for your baby's life. When you cry, pray. I am in control of your baby." I began praying continually that God would spare our baby's life. I just kept thinking, "God told Hezekiah directly through a prophet that he was going to die. That sounds pretty definite and final. Yet, because Hezekiah pleaded with God and cried to him for help, God changed his mind and gave Hezekiah 15 more years to live." If God could do that when he had already declared he would die, he could certainly save my baby's life even when the outward signs weren't encouraging.

We were in Orlando when all of this happened so I called my dr there and they said I could go to the emergency room but they thought I was probably ok and could just wait it out. Praise God, the symptoms went away and when I went to the doctor here in Mississippi when I got home they did a sonogram and saw and heard a strong heartbeat. Everything looked great. Praise God for answered prayer!!! It was just another confirmation that this baby has a special purpose. I keep praying that God will use he/she mightily in his kingdom and bring many to himself through his/her life (of course I pray that same for Clark).

Of course there is no guarantee that everything will be ok from this point on. I have never understood leaning on God and depending on him as completely until becoming a parent. Knowing I have to trust him continually for my own life and health is one thing, but trusting him with my child and now children is a completely different kind of trust. Instead of worrying continually (which might be my natural tendency as a mother) I must give them over completely to God and trust him to care for them. They're gifts from him and I have to thank him and trust him to keep them safe.

So I guess this is a strange way to announce we're having another baby but God spoke to my heart through our "scare" and made me daily thankful when everything continues to go well. With Clark everything was fine and I kind of took it for granted. Knowing how quickly things can change and how devastating it is to even imagine something going wrong gives me a new appreciation for good doctor's reports and healthy babies. I praise him for our baby and pray continually for safety and health throughout this pregnancy and beyond.

Here's the first peak we got of our baby. It kind of looks like a cocoon . Now our baby has arms and legs and even fingernails and tooth buds (under the gums). We won't have another sonogram until around 20 weeks when we'll hopefully find out if it's a boy or girl, so this glimpse will have to suffice until then.

What's my piece of fruit?

This week I taught Jr. High Sunday School because their regular teacher was leading a group on the Walk to Emmaus. I usually help with High School Sunday School, but I haven't actually taught anything yet. My job so far has been to be there to get to know the students and interject anything I feel needs to be said. It's nice because there's no preparation and if Clark is sick and I can't be there I don't have to get a substitute.

Because I don't have to prepare I think I miss out on some of the richness of the lessons. As much as lesson preparation was a burden when I was teaching full-time, now it's actually kind of exciting. I got so much more from the lesson because I had to come up with my own illustrations/examples and be familiar enough with the Scripture to teach on it. Hopefully it connected with the students because I know it impacted me.

The lesson was on wonder. Sounds strange I know. It was on how we should wonder at God because he is awesome. We marvel at his creation and learn something about his attention to details and creativity. We see our own sinfulness and are awestruck that he would give his Son to redeem us when we wanted nothing to do with him. In this life we get small glimpses of the wonder of God, but we can never really comprehend it.

It talked about how so often the things we hear in church and read in the Bible become like "white noise" because we've heard them so many times. We don't wonder at them anymore because they've become mundane. The Scripture we looked at was in Genesis 3 where the serpent tempted Eve and she and Adam ate the forbidden fruit. They had the life. They lived in a perfect garden where they physically walked with God, there was no sin, no one had ever disappointed them or hurt them, they had everything they needed. They traded all that for a piece of fruit. When Satan, through the serpent, tempted them he made God sound like a human being. He took away God's wonder and made it sound like God was holding back something good from them or he was jealous and didn't want them to be like him. He said, "You will not surely die, for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." He lied to them and didn't tell them all the consequences of knowing good and evil. Little did they know when they ate that piece of fruit that they would be kicked out of the garden, lose direct fellowship with God, work fruitlessly and their oldest son would even kill their younger son. They traded perfection for a piece of fruit.

Of course the point of the lesson wasn't to point the finger at Adam and Eve and say, "Why did you do that?" because we know that any of us in the same situation probably would have done the same thing. The point of the lesson was to ask ourselves "What is our piece of fruit?" What is that thing or things that we place above God and are satisfied with having instead of all God has offered and promised? I thought of a few things before I taught the lesson, but since then it keeps running though my mind, "There's another piece of fruit." It seems that when I get ready to get rid of all the noise and distractions to spend time with God there's always something that comes up that seems more important. Suddenly playing on the computer, checking my facebook, playing words with friends, vacuuming the floor, washing the dishes in the sink, calling a friend on the phone and so many other stupid little things take presidence over wondering at God and spending time with him. Ironically, when I do manage to say no to all my "pieces of fruit" I am never disappointed. I never come away from a Bible study time and think, "Man that was a waste of time." God never disappoints and he always shows me something I didn't see before or reminds me of something about himself or myself that I had forgotten.

Of course it's a little ironic that I sit here on the computer writing about this when my Bible study for today sits in the living room yet to be done, but I had to write while it was fresh on my mind and convicting my heart. It was a much needed reminder to me to prioritize and not let the "pieces of fruit" in my life get in the way of my wonder of God.

Sweet Clark has returned

The last couple months have been trying in the parenting department. Clark has been ornery, defiant and all around difficult to deal with. I thought (hoped) maybe it was a product of all the craziness of life and moving, but once we were settled it didn't improve. I am thrilled to report he has had two good days in a row. His sweetness has come back and he's been a joy to be around. Of course he still has his moments, but overall it has been a welcome change. We have had fun playing with his toys, wrestling on the floor and playing chase. His cute babbles have returned, the high pitch screaming has become less often and he has started obeying occasionally. I'm praising God for this and hoping it becomes to new normal. Michael says not to count on it, but I'm hopeful.

Every night as a part of our bedtime routine I pray for Clark (since he can't really talk yet) as I'm putting him in bed. I always thank God for Clark and for the good gift he is to our family. I pray God will give us wisdom as parents and help us to raise Clark to love him and that he would show Clark how much we love him and how much he loves him. I'm so thankful for these sweet moments with Clark. I love my boy!

Trying out e-mealz

E-mealz was recommended to me by my sister-in-law and a friend in Jacksonville. It's also endorsed by financial planning guru Dave Ramsey. It's an online meal plan that tells you exactly what to buy, how much it will cost at your selected store and how to prepare the meals. It's supposed to save you time and money because you shop according to the sales at the stores, use all of the ingredients you buy and the grocery list is sorted by the sections of the store so you don't skip anything and have to walk in circles around the store (which I am prone to doing). A few months ago I checked into it, but decided that because of my picky eater it wouldn't work well for us. This week I decided to give it a try. After doing our budget when we moved I realized (again) that food is a category where we could save money with better planning.

Michael looked over the meals and said he could eat all of them (with only a few modifications) so we headed out to Wal-Mart for our first shopping trip using the pre-planned list. Just for the record I hate shopping at Wal-Mart, but it's our cheapest option in VIcksburg. After a long and frustrating trip through the store I was shocked to find I spent more than I EVER have on groceries (ever in my entire life!). I usually spend more at Wal-Mart since I buy things other than groceries that I wouldn't buy at Publix or Kroger, but this was ridiculous!

I haven't made any of the meals yet, but I think I was doing better at budgeting my meals than I thought. Only time will tell, but if my next trip proves to be like this one, I won't be recommending e-mealz. Hopefully next time will be must more cost-effective. I'll report back in a week or two.

The latest from Mississippi

I've been slacking on the blogging. The battery in our computer decided to go kaput so it has to be plugged in all the time. Clark loves to unplug it so we haven't been using it as much as we used to. Most of the time the computer sits on the counter in the kitchen where it's not too comfortable to stand and type. Right now Clark is napping, so between shuffling loads of laundry between the washer, dryer and folding them, I'm going to attempt to write a blog.

Our family room has had a complete makeover in the last week. We've never had two living spaces so we only had furniture for the living room when we moved in. We put the futon from the guest room out in the family room and used one of the chairs from the living room so we'd have something to sit on. We spend most of our time in the family room since all of Clark's toys are in there as well as the TV. When we moved in the kitchen, dining room and family room were all painted a color called "Lemon Meringue." It wasn't a bad color, but it didn't go with any of our furniture. We've been waiting years to paint a room a blueish/greenish/grayish color we've loved for a long time. Because we were renting we never had the ability to change the wall color. Since we didn't like the yellow, we decided it was finally our chance to paint and room "our color" as we've started calling it.

Mom, Alison and Caroline came this week to visit. They came to see us, our new home and mostly to see Clark. While they were here we had the crazy idea of painting. They enthusiastically helped (except Caroline didn't paint, but she did make us chocolate chip cookies to keep us going and get some of her homework done). We painted two nights after Clark went to bed and got all three rooms finished (including taping, first and second coat of paint and pictures put back on the wall in less than 8 hours total). Having extra hands made the job go so much faster. A family in the church who have been a huge help to us in moving in and getting settled were getting new living room furniture and offered us a club chair. When they brought it we realized their couch matched our new paint color so we traded the couch we had (that someone else in the church had generously given us when we didn't have any furniture) for their couch. We had purchased a carpet remnant to go in the room so it'd be more cozy, but when we got it home I hated the color. Once we got the "new" furniture the carpet looked good. So, in a matter of four days our family room has had a complete transformation. I am sitting in the comfy club chair with my feet propped up on the ottoman as I write. I thank God for generous people who have helped make our house feel more like a home.

Since the beginning of July when we started all the moving craziness Clark's behavior has been horrible. He used to be so sweet but he has begun screaming (high pitch, shrill, leave your ears ringing screaming) anytime he doesn't like how something is going. It makes me blood pressure rise immediately. He has become so stubborn and doesn't the opposite of anything I ask him to do. I have tried to be consistent with discipline and have tried everything I know to discourage his bad behavior and encourage good behavior. I wish I could report that we have found the magic trick and he's a perfect little angel. Of course if I said that you'd know I was lying. What I have learned is how much I need grace in my parenting. I don't feel like I have a clue what I'm doing and whatever I instinctively want to do usually doesn't work. I've taught school for 8 years and dealt with lots of badly behaved children, but it's a different story when it's my own child and I have him 24/7. Obviously I've been deceiving myself all this time thinking I had patience. I have learned that I have none. I see my own sinfulness so much more clearly as I try to deal with Clark. I also have a greater appreciation for my Heavenly Father who has patience with me when I continually disobey. He doesn't get mad and yell at me when I do the same things over and over. He never refuses to forgive because he's too frustrated with my behavior. While I wish my efforts in parenting would start having some effect on my child's behavior I am thankful for the way God is teaching me about my own heart and drawing me to himself through my own shortcomings and my child's disobedience.

It sounds like my next load of laundry is done and Clark is awake, so I'll sign off for now. These were just a few random updates from life in Mississippi.

Oh, and I don't think it's quite sunk in with this Florida girl that I am a resident of Mississippi now, but just today we got a Mississippi license plate for one of the cars and I'm getting my driver license switched over today or tomorrow so I guess that will make it more real. So far I like Mississippi and I thank God for the wonderful people we've met. He has provided for us far beyond our expectations!

I love Clark's room

This may seem like a strange title for a post at this time. It would make since if I wrote about the move, the new church, Michael's new job, etc, but the thing that struck me this morning and compelled me to write was Clark's new room. In general I hate moving, but one thing I like about it is it causes me to reorganize in a new space. When things stay the same for too long I get in a rut, clutter builds up and I'm unmotivated to pull it all out and rearrange. Every time we move I get a chance to look at the things we have, purge those we aren't using and get a fresh look at how I want to organize our belongings.

Clark's room is about the same size as his room in St. Augustine except now he has the room completely to himself. I loved our townhouse in St. Augustine, but the one drawback it had was that Clark's room was also the guest room. Whenever we had company (which thankfully we had often) we would have to kick Clark out of his room and put him in the pack-n-play in our room (or if it was Joel, Caroline or my parents we just left him in the crib and they snuck in quietly when they went to bed--he slept better, but it was an inconvenience to them). Now we have three bedrooms, so Clark gets his own room.

Although his room looks virtually the same as it did before there are two main differences.
1. He has more floor space and it's on the first floor so he actually plays in his room now.
2. I put his books on his bookshelf instead of in a basket next to the rocker.
The second difference sounds minor, but it has brought me great joy. You see, now that his books are on the shelf he gets down from the rocker and picks out his own books. Here's our basic routine at bedtime and naptime: I sit in the rocker and Clark goes to the shelf to pick out a book, he comes back to the rocker with the book and turns around backwards for me to pick him up and put him in my lap. I loving seeing which books he picks. He'll stand at the shelf and look at several before he makes his selection and then he runs over to the rocker to show me what he picked. There are certain books he chooses every time. He loves the "5 Silly Monkey's" book and does the motions with me every time we read it. He's also obsessed with the moon so he loves "The Foot Book" by Dr. Seuss because on the page where it says "feet at night" there's a picture of the moon. He turns back to that page at least three times every time we read it.

This move has been hard on all of us. Michael and I have had an overload of emotional stress since there seemed to be complications at every turn. We had more problems than I can list with the moving company, a place to live was like a rollercoaster ride: one day we had a place, the next we didn't, and then maybe we had a place. It was like that every day for the two weeks we were packing. Clark had a rough time too. His schedule was completely interrupted, he slept in a different bed every night and had different people caring for him. His behavior was horrible and Michael and I had both decided he was going to make us prematurely old. Now that he's gotten a little bit more settled (granted it's only been a week) his behavior has improved. He still has quite a few fits and ugly moments, but his sweetness has come back.

We spend a good bit of time in his room because he loves reading his books and I love snuggling with him while we're reading. I can't tell you how happy I am that he loves to read. He sits still longer to read than he does even to eat. So, while it may sound weird to say, I love Clark's room!
The rocker where we read.

Clark playing in his room. Notice the books on the shelf behind him.

Clark showing off his new room.

A view of the whole room from the door.

It was a God thing...

Today marks the 6 year anniversary of Michael and I meeting. I always love a good story and hoped that one day I would have a story of my own to tell. God, in his faithfulness, gave me not just a good story, but a great story to tell over and over again of his providence in our lives in bringing us together.

We met in New Mexico at a Boy Scout camp (Philmont for any Boy Scouts out there who may recognize the name). The first question people always ask is, "What were YOU doing at a Boy Scout camp?" Well, for as long as I can remember my parents have talked about taking a trip "out west." When my mom was in high school her oldest sister lived in Utah so her family drove from Atlanta to Utah and saw all the sights in between. Because of the nostalgia of that trip and wanting us to experience it as well, she had always talked about us taking a trip out west as well. But my dad only had two weeks vacation, so to try to drive from Florida wouldn't be feasible since most of the time would be spent getting there and better back. So when the opportunity came up for my dad to go to Philmont for a Boy Scout training week, he arranged for us to go with him. Ironically, it was just the girls (Alison, Caroline and I) who ended up going as the boys had other things they were doing and pretty much hated family vacations anyway. We had the best time! We flew into Denver, drove through the Rocky Mountain National Park, saw Red Rock Canyon, Buffalo Bill's grave, Colorado Springs and the Air Force Academy, Pikes Peak, and other sites on the way down to Cimmaron, New Mexico. We then spent a week at the camp where we got to go hiking, horseback riding and a ropes course while my dad sat in boring classes. After the camp we went to the Grand Canyon, Bryce, Zion and Las Vegas. I hadn't been on family vacation in nearly ten years since i had been in college and teaching in Japan. I actually had a mandatory training at school the week of the trip, but I skipped it to go.

So, that's a lot of background information on why I ended up at the Boy Scout camp. Michael was working for the Boy Scouts at the time and had been to Philmont as a scout and loved it. So when he found out about the opportunity to go to the same training my dad was going to, he jumped at the chance. He took along with him his two top volunteers. One of those volunteers took his family with him as well.

So, during the week while we (Mom, Alison, Caroline and I) were doing fun stuff I became friends with the wife of one of Michael's volunteers. We ended up signing up for almost the exact same activities and enjoyed the same things. On the last day of camp she sidled up next to me and said, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Now, I was no spring chicken and I had had many well meaning ladies in the past try to hook me up with their sons who were not the least bit interested. So, I thought, "Oh great! Here we go again. Please don't do me any favors." She told me that there was a really nice guy who was about my age who I really needed to meet. In fact, she said her husband was having a little mini birthday party at lunch that day and I should come so that I could meet this guy.

At lunch she came and found me and nearly dragged me across the dining hall to sing happy birthday to her husband. Funny thing is that when I got to the table there were two guys with her family, one was Michael (who I had actually noticed earlier in the week because I thought he was cute) and the other was a guy in his 40's with a thick mustache. The first thought that went through my head was, "Oh crap! She's trying to set me up with the old guy." Thankfully for me, it wasn't him :)

Michael and I didn't really get a chance to talk because it was kinda awkward with everyone staring at us wondering what we thought of each other. Later that evening we had the closing ceremony around a campfire (except it was raining, so we didn't have a fire). Michael and his friends were all sitting on the back row so I went over and sat with them. This was completely out of character for me, but I figured if I didn't take the opportunity to talk to him, I'd never get the chance again. As soon as I sat down they all stood up and rearranged seats so that Michael could sit next to me (They tried to be sly about it saying something about spreading out the tarp so I could have a dry place to sit, but it wasn't too subtle). We hit it off and talked for a little while, but when the program was over several people came over to talk to Michael and I started to leave. Julie (our matchmaker) tracked me down and wanted to know what I thought and if I'd give him my number.

I wasn't sure if he was interested or if she was just being persistent, so I gave her my email address instead. Also, I was moving when I got home, so my phone number was going to be changing. While we were talking Michael came over and talked some more. We ended up talking for three or four hours that night at the pavilion and he met my mom, dad and sisters. I wouldn't say it was love at first sight, but there was definitely something there that I had never felt before and I knew I wanted to see him again. Strangely enough, even though we met in New Mexico, he lived in Brooksville and I lived in Orlando which was only about an hour and a half away.

When we got home we emailed and talked on the phone. We had our first date at Epcot where we spent over 12 hours together. My friends thought we were crazy to spend so much time together on a first date, but I figured if we weren't sick of each other after that, then that was probably a good sign. Michael drove to Orlando nearly every weekend after that, we fell in love and the rest is history.

Now, that's just my side of the story. Michael will have to chime in with his because I can't speak for him.

Every time I tell the story I have to say it was a God thing. Who would have thought we'd meet hundreds of miles from home at a Boy Scout camp. God, in his providence, was arranging all the details. We are so thankful for his care in our lives and for giving us each other. Michael's my favorite gift! (although Clark is a very close second)

Next rollercoaster stop.....Vicksburg!

So the rollercoaster continues, but this time we like the direction it's going. Michael accepted the job in Vicksburg, Mississippi so we have switched gears from looking for a job to looking for a place to live and packing up all our belongings. We're driving out this weekend to find a place and then leaving our car and flying home. This way we don't have to drive separate cars or pull one of them with the moving truck.

For all of our smaller moves we've just rented a U-haul and gotten friends and family to come help us load and unload the truck. Michael is completely competent to drive the truck, but with this move being so much farther I've been looking into moving companies so that Michael doesn't have to drive the truck. It's pretty exciting to think about moving without having to load and unload all our big heavy furniture. We'll still be packing everything, but it'll be so much easier to just drive out and meet our stuff while someone else unloads it than to have to take it ourselves. All three estimates I've gotten are very reasonable, so we're encouraged.

I'm especially excited about this weekend. Mom and Dad are keeping Clark (so he doesn't have to be in the car so much and so that they can have some time with him before we move). Michael and I are going to be busy the weekend of our 5th anniversary in October, so we're doing a mini early anniversary trip. This Friday is the 6th anniversary of when we met, so we're substituting it for our wedding anniversary. We're driving to Ft Walton Beach and staying a night to just enjoy the beach and eachother's company. Then we'll drive the rest of the way to Vicksburg on Sunday. We haven't taken any trips just for fun anytime that I can remember, so I'm super excited to get some time alone. I haven't left Clark for more than a night before though, so five days is a long time. We're going to miss our little guy!

We're preparing to say our goodbyes to Jacksonville, Orlando and all our friends and family in both locations. We are so thankful for this job and God's provision for us, but the reality of leaving is starting to set in. This year we've been close enough to go to Orlando anytime we wanted. Thankfully Vicksburg is within driving distance and there are reasonable non-stop flights on Southwest, but it's not a weekend trip. We're realizing that we may never live in Florida again, which for this Florida girl is a strange thought.

We're also excited to get to Vicksburg, start building relationships and jump into youth ministry. It's almost surreal that this actually happening. We've prayed for so long and had so many near opportunities that it doesn't seem like this is actually happening. We praise God for his faithfulness to us over the last year (and our whole lives as well) and for this new opportunity. I'll try to blog when I can as we get settled. We're hoping for a 3 bedroom so we'll be set up for company. There are over a million visitors to the Battlefield Park every year, so come see us and we'll show you around.

Rollercoaster Ride

When I was little I loved rollercoasters. One of my favorite memories with my dad was when we went to Six Flags and he and I went and rode all the rollercoasters we could before the park closed (I think we rode all except one...of course Mom was grateful not to have to ride them with us.) As an adult I'm not a fan of rollercoasters. Somewhere around my 16th birthday I started getting motion sickness. I'm not sure what changed, but I remember numerous times of sleeping in the back of the van because if I was awake I was sick. Yuck! I hate the feeling. Rollercoasters weren't fun anymore when they gave me a headache for the rest of the day.

Since the end of April we feel like we've been riding a rollercoast. Obviously it's not a literal rollercoaster, but life has been CRAZY and filled with so many unexpected twists and turns we're trying to figure out which way is up. I can't elaborate on all the craziness, but it has included three funerals, numerous trips out of town (we have been home without visitors only one weekend since the end of April), a weekend church interview and waiting to hear if we're moving, a week in Ft. Myers keeping my nephews, Michael preaching, and Clark figuring out how to climb out of the crib so naptime and bedtime have been a fight when they used to be simple. The whole moving thing of course has been the biggest question mark. Both of our birthdays are in the summer so I have to renew our license plates. If we're moving out of state I don't want to pay to renew my tag if I'm going to move before my birthday. Our lease is up the end of July. If we're moving we have to give 30 days notice to our landlords, but since we still don't know what we're doing we can't give notice or let the know for sure we'll be around. These are just a few of the relatively minor, yet not completely insignificant things running through my head ad we wait.

We're praying for God to open doors and provide clear direction. We're learning to wait on him and be patient (neither waiting or patience are my strengths). My mom said we're never going to forget this time and I have to agree with her. There are certain times in life I remember vividly. These last few months I won't be forgetting anytime soon. We're ready to be off the rollercoaster, but it's also a good reminder for us that our God doesn't change regardless of the craziness in life and knowing we can depend on him has given us peace.

Clark's list of words

Clark has become more vocal in the past month. Most of his utterances are still unrecognizable, although he has an earnestness on his face when he's talking that leads me to believe he is in fact trying to communicate something particular, I just can't figure out what it is. So far, here's what he says that I can recognize.

mama
da (meaning Daddy, dog and duck--you have to recognize it in context)
moh (more--and he does the sign language for it)
mbawh (which sounds a lot like more, but means ball--he's still working on the b sound)
oh (hello--while holding up anything-straws, water bottles, TV remotes-to his ear)
bru (bird)
ba ba (bye bye--accompanied by vigorous waving)
br br (whenever he sees a big truck or plays with his matchbox cars)
owf owf (barking at Hank, or pictures of dogs or cats or any other animal)
bir (book---accompanied by going to get a book)

Although his word list is still very limited he says these words repeatedly throughout the day. Yesterday he took his ball with him in the car and as we walked through Walgreens he said "mawh!" about 50 times. Thankfully he wasn't crying, he was just excited about his ball. I'm going to try to get some video of him with his ball collection. He gets so excited and wants to pull them all out at the same time.

It's so fun to see him learning new things every day. It also helps that he understands and can communicate more now so that I can figure out what he needs. He doesn't ask for food or drink yet (we've been working on the sign language), but if I say, "Are you hungry, do you want something to eat?" he'll walk toward the kitchen and get really excited when I open the fridge.

Have I mentioned we love being parents? He's so fun! He cracks us up all the time. I thank God for him every day. He brings us so much joy!

No news really

We got back from Vicksburg at 2:30 in the morning today. I don't really have any news to report because we won't know anything for another two weeks. Here's the rundown on the visit though...

Overall it was a great trip! We flew in Friday evening and met Michael's mom's best friend for dinner at McAllister's (Michael's favorite sandwich place--a trip to McAllister's always makes him happy). She is super sweet and always encouraging. She prayed for us and encouraged us not to be nervous about the interview.

Saturday for lunch we met the pastor, Tim Brown, and his wife Le. We had been told we would love them and we did. They were very welcoming and told us all about the church and answered our many questions. We loved seeing their heart and hearing about their vision for the church. They told us the good along with the bad which we appreciated because it gave us a more real since of what it would be like to work at the church.

As side story, when I told my Grandpa we were interviewing in Vicksburg he said, "Oh, I know the guy who was the pastor there 20 years ago." His father is a good friend of Grandpa's and he and my dad grew up together. I wasn't sure whether to mention it while we were there since I didn't know what kind of relationship the current pastor might have with the former pastor and didn't want to bring up anything bad. So, at lunch I decided to just ask if he knew my grandpa's friend. When I mentioned his name Tim and Le both looked at each other and laughed. They said, "He married us and he is my mentor in ministry." As they told us more, it turns out that my grandpa's friend had a major role in Tim going into ministry. What a small world!

After lunch we got a tour of the church. The main building was build in 1908 with an addition in the 60's. They have plenty of space and several rooms used for youth. Clark enjoyed playing with the toys in the preschool rooms, playing with a styrofoam cup over the air vent and stomping up and down the wooden wheelchair ramp (The pastor taught him how to do that).

Saturday afternoon/evening we got a tour of the city by two members of the search committee and had dinner at one of their houses. They had sent Michael some interview questions ahead of time so he could prepare. They talked with him after dinner and then just hung out. I was entertaining Clark, so I didn't get to hear his actual interview, but he felt it went well and he was able to explain his vision and philosophy of youth ministry. I did get to visit with the wife and son of one of the search committee members though. They were super nice to Clark and kept him well entertained with plastic containers, lids and a loud monkey toy. We had a good time getting to know the members of the search committee, especially Ridley and Chris who are high schoolers. We would definitely enjoy getting to know the students and being involved in their lives.

Sunday morning we went to church and Sunday School. Steve, a search committee member was our tour guide. He took us around and introduced us to everyone. We met lots of church members, youth team members and parents as well as youth. He took us to the 5th and 6th grade, Jr. high and Sr. high Sunday schools. A number of youth were out of town since it's summer, but at least we got to meet some of the youth and see what they're currently doing in the youth program. We felt very welcome.

After church we had lunch and talked to the search committee again for a short time. They gave Michael more specifics about salary and benefits as well as their time-frame for hiring. They are interviewing another candidate in two weeks and then plan to make their decision quickly after that. We should hear something by the end of June. They're looking get someone there by mid to late July, so if they call and offer the job it'll be a quick transition.

Overall we were encouraged since we felt it was a good fit for us and we could see ourselves working there. But, we're trying not to get too excited since we know they may or may not offer the job. If they call and make an offer then we'll be super excited! Grandpa said to pray the other guy gets another offer. Mississippi would definitely be a big change for me, but I have a better feeling for it now that we've visited. I really liked the people and felt would enjoy making friends. The town is small, but has all your basic necessities. It reminded me a lot of Brooksville which has wonderful memories for us. There's no Target (sad..but there is one I could get in less than an hour if I needed to), but there is Gap outlet and a Children's Place outlet (both very exciting!!) Michael is so ready to be able to get into ministry and we're looking forward to being able to settle in somewhere and plug in.

Now, we're just trying to be patient and not stress (it's easier said than done).

Did you miss me?

I can't believe I haven't written anything in two weeks. For a while there I was writing something nearly every day, but the last few weeks have been really busy. OK, so I know you probably haven't missed me, but I'm going to write something anyway.

This past weekend Michael preached again at St. Nicholas Park Christian Church. He preached about the crucifixion and how the physical pain of the cross was not as painful as the emotional pain of having the father turn his face away from his Son because of the hideousness of our sin that he took on himself. He did really well and several people commented that they were touched by what he said and had never thought of the rejection Christ experienced from his own Father. I'm so glad he's been able to continue preaching even during this time of waiting. We have also enjoyed getting to know some of the church members since we've been able to go back four times now.

Our good friends Kathryn and Chuck came to town for Memorial Day weekend and to hear Michael preach. A mutual friend of ours had an apron that Kathryn loved, but when she went to the store to get it they had discontinued the color she wanted. So, we had the idea of making one since she couldn't buy it. I have just recently discovered Hobby Lobby, which is an awesome store. They have nearly anything home/craft related you could ever need. We ran up there Saturday night right before they closed and sure enough they had a pattern and fabric that were nearly the same as the apron Kathryn wanted. We cut hers out and started assembling it only to realize we hadn't bought enough fabric (oops, I messed up the calculations). So, we went back on Monday. They had so many cute coordinating prints I couldn't resist. It was fun to have a project to work on, especially since it wasn't that complicated and could be completed in one sitting.

This weekend I'm hosting a baby shower for a good friend in Orlando. I've helped with several showers, but I've never planned one on my own. It's been fun researching games and food. I'm a little nervous that I'll forget something or not have enough. Hopefully everyone will have fun and they'll get lots of good stuff for the baby.

That's all for now. We're flying to Vicksburg in a little over a week, so I'll write more about that later.

Smarty Pants

As I was driving down I-95 going 70 miles an hour when suddenly the window behind me started to roll down. At first it startled me because the wind at that speed is so loud and it was so unexpected. As I turned my head around to see what had happened I saw Clark's toe on the automatic window button. The clever little kid had figured out how to roll down the window!

This got me to thinking about how much he had learned and grown in the last year. This time last year he was just mastering holding up his head, smiling and laughing. That was about it. He couldn't feed himself, communicate his needs, play games, makes jokes or move himself around. He couldn't even coordinate the movement of his own hands and feet and would often hit himself in the face trying to figure out how to get his arms to do what he wanted.

Yet today, not only can he feed himself, communicate (with a lot of guessing from me) some of his basic needs, play games (patow and peek-a-boo being his favorites), run around, climb stairs, splash and kick in the pool, climb out of the pool, open every cabinet and door that isn't secured, bark at Hank, help dress himself, but now he can roll down the window with his foot. Sometimes it feels like it takes him a while to catch onto things, but when I think how far he has come and all the new things his little brain has learned in the last year it amazes me.

This weekend when we were in Atlanta, Meredith started coughing. She just had a tickle in her throat, but it wouldn't go away, so she coughed for a few minutes. Seeing her, Clark started fake coughing and putting his hand over his mouth. It wasn't very nice to mock someone who was coughing, but it sure was hilarious! I'm glad he caught onto covering his mouth too. It always surprises me when he picks up on little things that I don't think he's even paying attention to. It seems to help that he's so social and loves to watch other people.

He's such a joy and a blessing to us. I praise God for him every day and thank him that Clark is a growing, healthy, strong little boy. We couldn't have asked for a better gift!

Here are a few pictures of recent skills Clark has acquired.

Climbing the air conditioner at the hotel in Atlanta.

He did it all by himself and then knocked on the window when he got up there.

Then turned around and sat down looking pleased with himself.

This trash can (I assure you it was empty) looked tiny, but Clark figured he could fit him whole body in it. He didn't succeed, but he came very close.

Answered Prayer

This year our church decided that instead of doing a Vacation Bible School at the church they would get members to host "Kid Blast" gatherings in their neighborhoods so that they could get out into the community. It seemed like a great idea since many times the majority of the kids who attend VBS are churched kids. Going into the neighborhoods and getting people to invite their neighbors seems more effective in reaching unchurched kids. For several weeks there has been an announcement in the bulletin asking families to sign up to use their yard to host a club. The clubs are in the morning so that it's not too hot and I'm assuming the reason they're having them outside is so that parents are more willing to send their kids.

I've taught more 5 Day Clubs with Child Evangelism Fellowship than I could possibly count and these Kid Blast clubs sound very similar, but for some reason I was a little reluctant to sign up. Partially because I don't really have a yard and partially because I don't really know my neighbors and there are signs saying no soliciting. Basically I was being chicken. I didn't know how and didn't really want to contact the HOA to find out if I could use one of the playgrounds or the field across from my house, but I was afraid if I tried to do it there without approval we'd get kicked out. I gave myself every excuse I could come up with, but the more I walked around the neighborhood and saw the swarms of kids I knew I had to do something.

So, I found a website with the contact information for the management group that maintains our neighborhood. I don't have contact with the HOA because we rent. I explained what I would like to do to the lady who answered the phone at the management group and inquired about how I could go about getting approval. She said I could write a letter to the board and she would give it to them for approval at their next meet on June 8th or they might be able to approve it by email before the meeting. I was hoping to have the club June 21-24 and she said that would give enough time to get everything approved. My next plan of action was to go to the pool as often as possible to meet kids and parents in the neighborhood so that they wouldn't think I was just some strange lady inviting them to a Bible club. Of course spending time at the pool wasn't exactly a hardship :)

I wrote my email, sent it and got an approval within 24 hours. The lady from the management group write back and said, "All three board members think it is a terrific idea." I have been praying about it for several weeks now hoping to get a positive response, but this was even better than I expected! Not only did they approve it, but enthusiastically! Because of their overwhelmingly positive response I wrote back to see if they would even be willing to put the announcement for it on the neighborhood board. If so, this will help with my problem of "no solicitation" and give credibility to the club.

Clark and I have been going to the pool and it's already helped us get to know a few kids and parents. Children flock to Clark because he's so outgoing and cute so we have made several friends. Hopefully in a month or so we'll have lots of friends to invite to the Bible club. I know God is going to work through this because he's already opening doors. I just have to remember it's His work and be bold in inviting people to come.

Just one of those days...

We got in late last night from our quick trip up to Atlanta for my uncle's funeral. It's been raining off and on all day and Clark and I are both tired from being off our normal routine this weekend. He was such a trooper in the car though, I am blessed with an awesome little boy! I've had a head ache that won't go away and I just feel blah for a number of reasons I don't go into. I want to make every day count, but today just seems like a waste. It makes me thankful for the good days. Today's not over yet, so I may be able to salvage it in some positive way, but if I never experienced days like today I don't think I'd appreciate the really good ones in quite the same way. I'm thankful that most days are not like today and that even when I have a bad day I have hope in the things that don't change. Regardless of my mood or circumstances my God doesn't change. So often I forget the big picture a look at the moment I'm in living in. I praise him for life, for salvation and the the thousands of little blessings he pours out on me that I don't even notice, or I forget to praise him for.

The sun has popped though the clouds in the few minutes I've been writing. I think I'll go take some ibuprofen, attack the mound of laundry waiting for me and play with my favorite little blessing (when he wakes up from his nap) to try to salvage the day.

My husband rocks! . . . episode 3

Clark and I have been going to the pool a lot since he started swim lessons. Because our bathing suits were in the dryer from the last time we went swimming, I changed clothes in the half bath downstairs. When we got home I picked up my clothes to carry them upstairs and one of my earrings fell down the drain of the sink. Thankfully it wasn't an expensive earring, it came in a necklace/earring set from Kohl's for less than ten bucks, but I wear it at least 3 times a week.

I couldn't figure out how to get it out, so I just left it until Michael got home and made sure not to turn on the water to keep it from washing farther down the drain. Because my husband rocks, when he got home and I told him the situation, he quickly (and without complaining at all) took all the stuff out from under the sink and began taking the pipe off so that he could get to where he thought the earring was trapped. Using a hammer, plumbers tape and the company of a cute little boy, he successfully found my earring and put the drain back together in working order.

I was grateful to have my earring back, but even more grateful for a husband who cares enough to help with something as trivial as a lost earring. He never questioned if I really needed it or complained about the extra work and he even put up with the little hands in the bathroom and let me take a picture. I love him!

In the midst of the struggle

Over the last year Michael has applied for more jobs than I would dare to count. He started applying right after Clark was born in anticipation that it would take a while to get hired. Because the economy is down many churches aren't hiring when a pastor leaves and there's a lot of competition for the jobs that are open. We knew it could take a while, but we never dreamed it would be over a year. Every time we get another email saying "We've decided you aren't a fit for our church" or "There are many qualified candidates and we have decided to pursue other candidates" or something along those lines it's hard not to get discouraged. It is hard not to become hopeless and just give up when it's been so long and all we've heard is no or been excited about a church that looked like a good fit, interviewed Michael multiple times and once even brought us in for a visit only to then tell us they weren't going to offer the job. Michael feels like he's never going to get the opportunity to show what he can do and respond to the call God has put on his life because no one will give him the chance. We've been reminded again that the church is full of sinners and that just because someone is in the ministry doesn't mean they're going to keep their word or be completely honest with you.

The good thing is that when one of us becomes discouraged often the other one is feeling more hopeful. Usually we aren't both down in the dumps at the same time.

Last night as we were talking I was reminded of other times in our lives when we were discouraged and felt hopeless. One such instance was when we were trying to sell our house. We put it on the market in April after Michael was accepted to seminary and after several offers that fell through we found foundation issues with clay under the house. Because of these issues all future buyers were leery of our house and we had to pay $10,000 to fix the problem. Then we had to spend more money because the company who did the geological work didn't do a thorough enough job. With every passing month with a house that still wasn't fixed and no potential buyers we felt like we were NEVER going to sell our house. In the end, we sold the house without a realtor and made as much money off of it as we would have made if we had sold it with the realtor when we first put it on the market (even after paying for the repair). God took care of us and taught us that his way and timing is not always our way, but he will never leave us .

Another story that came to mind involved our friends Brian and Jacqui from our Life Group at church. When we met them they had been struggling with infertility. They had prayed and seen many doctors and yet they still didn't have a child. Every week at Life Group we prayed for God to bless them with a child. At times they felt hopeless feeling like they would never have a child. However, God answered their prayers and three weeks ago they welcomed boy/girl twins into their family. The babies are still in the NICU because they were premature, but they are doing great. Seeing the picture of the them holding their precious babies on Mother's Day reminded me of God's provision. Mother's Day last year they probably felt like they were going to struggle forever not knowing God's plan. It's amazing how much can change in a year.

So, although it feels like we will never get a ministry job and we're going to be stuck in this situation forever, we know that God has a plan. Sometimes it's hard to get my heart and my head to match. Just because I know in my head that God has the perfect fit for us and he's going to give us the job of his choosing in his timing, my heart still gets discouraged sometimes. One day, in the not too distant future, this struggle will be only a memory. For right now, we continue to thank God for taking care of our every need and trust him with our future. I know the lessons he is teaching us now will be useful to us in the future in whatever way he chooses to use us.

Mother's Day

It's only my second Mother's Day as a mother and so far it's been a great day! It began on Thursday when I was leaving the house to go for walk. As I came out the front door (which we never use since we go out the garage) I noticed there was a package at the front door. Michael said, "Oh, that's for you." It was my mother's day present: a beautiful box of decorated chocolate covered strawberries! Michael knows that two of my favorite foods in the entire world are strawberries and chocolate, so when you put them together you can't go wrong. They are the biggest, sweetest strawberries I have ever tasted. I've been enjoying them all weekend.

Also on Thursday, Grandpa, Clark and I met Michael for lunch and then went out to the Navy Exchange. At Grandma's memorial last week the Navy Exchange came up several times since it was one of her favorite places to take the grandchildren to shop. Grandpa called Thursday morning to see if Clark and I would like to go on an outing to the Navy Exchange. Since I haven't been there since I was about 12 and since it was an excuse to get to spend time with Grandpa, I gladly accepted the invitation. When we got there he said, "I'd like to buy you something. Go pick out something." Normally I would have felt a little weird about this, but I figured he was being sentimental since Grandma always took us shopping. As I walked around the women's clothing section he took Clark over to the shoe section. When I came out the dressing room Clark was wearing one new sneaker. Grandpa had taken him to the shoes, gotten his foot sized and picked out a pair of shoes for him. He said I could look at the other choices if I liked another pair better, but the ones he picked were super cute! They have Tigger on the side and they light up. (He has them on the in the picture) Shockingly they have blue and orange stripes on the side...can you believe Grandpa, the ultimate Georgia Bulldog, picked out shoes with blue and orange?!? I found a shirt that I love. I'm wearing it right now. It's bright and cheery and fits really well. Because it's distinctive (in a good way) I'll think of Grandpa every time I wear it.

When I thanked Grandpa for my shirt and Clark's shoes he said, "It is Mother's Day week. I don't have any mothers to buy for, so it's a Mother's Day gift." I told you my Grandpa is amazing!! Some men could learn a lesson from him. I'll get on my soapbox for a second: Don't ever say, "She's not my mother" about your wife. She's the mother of your children so you better figure out something to do to make her day special. I'm definitely not Grandpa's mother (haha!), but I'm the mother of someone he loves and he chose to do something nice for me. I love him and appreciate his thoughtfulness. (The picture is of me in my new shirt with Clark on Mother's Day)

For lunch today we went to Mellow Mushroom. It's my favorite pizza place and we never go there now that we don't live in Orlando. It was delicious! Those who know me well know Michael was super smart to take me to lunch there for Mother's Day. He also got the stuff for steak and twice baked potatoes for dinner which he is going to cook. Yum! I'd say he hit a home run!

I am so blessed to have the most AMAZING mother in the entire world. She has taught me so much about being a mother and I hope to use what she has taught me. She has loved me through her words and actions, taught me to love God and been supportive of everything I have tried to do. I'm not exaggerating when I say a number of my friends were jealous of me growing up because they wished my mom was their mom. She's just that awesome! I also have been blessed with an amazing mother-in-law. I know mother-in-law's don't always have a good reputation, but my mother-in-law doesn't fit the stereotypes at all. She's caring, supportive, kind and accepts me as a daughter. For this, I am very grateful! I love my mom by birth and my mom by marriage.

This is much longer than I planned. I just feel so blessed and praise God for putting so many wonderful people in my life.