In the midst of the struggle

Over the last year Michael has applied for more jobs than I would dare to count. He started applying right after Clark was born in anticipation that it would take a while to get hired. Because the economy is down many churches aren't hiring when a pastor leaves and there's a lot of competition for the jobs that are open. We knew it could take a while, but we never dreamed it would be over a year. Every time we get another email saying "We've decided you aren't a fit for our church" or "There are many qualified candidates and we have decided to pursue other candidates" or something along those lines it's hard not to get discouraged. It is hard not to become hopeless and just give up when it's been so long and all we've heard is no or been excited about a church that looked like a good fit, interviewed Michael multiple times and once even brought us in for a visit only to then tell us they weren't going to offer the job. Michael feels like he's never going to get the opportunity to show what he can do and respond to the call God has put on his life because no one will give him the chance. We've been reminded again that the church is full of sinners and that just because someone is in the ministry doesn't mean they're going to keep their word or be completely honest with you.

The good thing is that when one of us becomes discouraged often the other one is feeling more hopeful. Usually we aren't both down in the dumps at the same time.

Last night as we were talking I was reminded of other times in our lives when we were discouraged and felt hopeless. One such instance was when we were trying to sell our house. We put it on the market in April after Michael was accepted to seminary and after several offers that fell through we found foundation issues with clay under the house. Because of these issues all future buyers were leery of our house and we had to pay $10,000 to fix the problem. Then we had to spend more money because the company who did the geological work didn't do a thorough enough job. With every passing month with a house that still wasn't fixed and no potential buyers we felt like we were NEVER going to sell our house. In the end, we sold the house without a realtor and made as much money off of it as we would have made if we had sold it with the realtor when we first put it on the market (even after paying for the repair). God took care of us and taught us that his way and timing is not always our way, but he will never leave us .

Another story that came to mind involved our friends Brian and Jacqui from our Life Group at church. When we met them they had been struggling with infertility. They had prayed and seen many doctors and yet they still didn't have a child. Every week at Life Group we prayed for God to bless them with a child. At times they felt hopeless feeling like they would never have a child. However, God answered their prayers and three weeks ago they welcomed boy/girl twins into their family. The babies are still in the NICU because they were premature, but they are doing great. Seeing the picture of the them holding their precious babies on Mother's Day reminded me of God's provision. Mother's Day last year they probably felt like they were going to struggle forever not knowing God's plan. It's amazing how much can change in a year.

So, although it feels like we will never get a ministry job and we're going to be stuck in this situation forever, we know that God has a plan. Sometimes it's hard to get my heart and my head to match. Just because I know in my head that God has the perfect fit for us and he's going to give us the job of his choosing in his timing, my heart still gets discouraged sometimes. One day, in the not too distant future, this struggle will be only a memory. For right now, we continue to thank God for taking care of our every need and trust him with our future. I know the lessons he is teaching us now will be useful to us in the future in whatever way he chooses to use us.